SHOW DON'T TELL WORKSHOP 8!

Hi! Bethany here, with a workshop on how to implement Show, Don't Tell in your world building scenes. This is tricky for a lot of writers, especially if you write any sort of speculative fiction, because you have a lot of information to get across to the reader. Finding a balance between boring info-dumps and leaving readers feeling clueless is hard, and looking at it through the lens of your characters is often key to finding that balance. Check out this scene to see what I mean. It's a pretend scene set in a world I'm writing about right now.

The door chimed as Nathan walked in. He tried not to stare at the guy behind the counter, but it was hard. (1)
He was on fire. (2)
Of course, he'd seen fire-elementals in passing before, but never face-to-face like this. Anyone would be unnerved, watching the way his hair burned and his eyes sparkled. (3)
"Are you going to come in, or just stand there all day staring?" he asked with a smile. (4)
"Uh, sure. I'm coming in," Nathan stammered. As he stepped closer, he expected to feel heat emanating from his glowing skin, but felt nothing. Surprised, he watched how the tiny flames traced down the man's arms without igniting the counter he leaned on. (5)
"What can I help you with, Nathan?"
He lifted the heating coil and placed it on the counter. It wasn't too heavy, but after carrying it around town for half an hour, his arms were tired. (6)
"Can you fix this?" he asked, crossing his fingers. (7)

So this is a chunk of fantasy with some world building worked in. It's not the worst info-dump, but it definitely could use some work. One thing to ask yourself when you're adding world building details and you want them to work smoothly is: Would this character actually notice this detail and make such a point of it? 
In this example, Nathan, the main character, is native to this fantasy world. That means he already knows that elementals exist, and he's at least somewhat familiar with what they can do. Depending on how common they are in this story, his shock in the first few lines might not be authentic. I'll let him get away with some surprise this time.
But (1) could still use some work. The narrator is telling the reader exactly what Nathan is doing and thinking here; the narrator is speaking FOR Nathan at this point, instead of letting him tell his own story. I could use internal reactions or physical actions to show Nathan's surprise instead: The door chimed as Nathan walked in. His eyes were immediately drawn to the blazing light behind the counter. He squinted. His footsteps stuttered to a stop. The guy sitting in the blaze behind the counter looked up. His brilliant orange hair matched the flames that engulfed his body. Nathan cleared his throat to stop himself from pointing out the obvious.
(2) Now if I've done my job right with point #1, I don't actually need the sentence, "He was on fire." That should be obvious. It's a fun sentence, short and punchy, but given the world building aspect, it probably should get cut. Nathan lives in a world with elemental magic. While seeing a fire elemental face-to-face for the first time might stun him a little, the fact that they exist should not. Chopping out that surprised reaction on Nathan's part actually adds to the world building, by showing that this magic is relatively common place.
(3)​ This is a pretty classic case of telling instead of showing. But sometimes, telling small details is better for pacing and more effective than showing everything. So I'm going to leave the first sentence in (Of course, he'd seen fire-elementals in passing before, but never face-to-face like this.), and improve the second sentence. The man sat there, smiling, as flames licked at his hair, sending shadows whirling wildly in every direction. Nathan took a half-step back toward the door. His skin crawled, as if trying to creep away from the danger in front of him. Nathan ground his teeth. Elementals weren't dangerous, he knew that. But still, watching the man sit there, flickering like a campfire, his stomach clenched around the remains of his lunch.
(4)  doesn't need much work, other than the dialogue tag. It's not bad, but it can definitely be better. "Are you going to come in, or just stand there all day staring?" The fire-elemental grinned as he caught Nathan's gaze. His eyes sparkled, reflecting his aura.
(5)​ is full of telling. I'm going to replace the filter verbs (watched, felt, expected), and show the details and the emotions attached to them, instead of just telling them.
"Uh, sure. I'm coming in," he stammered. He held his breath as he came inside, letting the door close behind him. Nathan's burned hand throbbed with remembered pain as he braced himself for the fiery heat of the repair shop's interior. One tentative step forward, and then another.
Nothing happened--no inferno slapping him in the face, no erupting into flames. His shoulders relaxed as he hurried the last few paces to the counter. Tiny flames danced along the elemental's arms without igniting the counter he leaned on. A small smile tugged up the corners of Nathan's lips.
The elemental grinned. "So, what can I help you with today, Nathan?"
(Are you curious how the elemental knows his name? And did you notice that Nathan didn't ask how the elemental knew his name? That's another world building detail. There's something unique about Nathan's appearance that means everyone recognizes him. So in this case, if I'd had the elemental ask his name, that wouldn't have made sense with my world building so far. Again, a case of thinking about who knows what already.)
(6) This sentence is going to get another small upgrade. Instead of telling the reader about the weight, I'm going to use some sensory details to show it: He lifted the heating coil and placed it on the counter with a small thunk. He massaged his right arm muscles as they cramped, thankful to set down the coil at last. The thought of carrying it all the way back home again made him want to groan. Maybe he'd see if the air-elemental running the transports would give him a ride after all.
This showing version is doing triple duty. First, I've added sensory detail, using touch (cramping muscles) and sound (small thunk). The more sensory details, the more immersed a reader feels in the story, and that keeps them reading longer. Second, I've given a quick peek into Nathan's character. He's thinking about how hard it will be to carry this back home, and he wants to groan. He doesn't actually do it, though, because this character is very hard on himself. He doesn't want to complain or inconvenience others, which is also shown by his reluctance to get a ride. Third, the reader knows more about travel in this world. I've established that there are other types of elementals, and that air ones are in charge of transportation. But it's worked in naturally, at a point when my character would be thinking of it, so the world building should feel more organic.
(7) This one isn't a showing vs telling problem as much as it is a world building problem. In the original, I had Nathan cross his fingers behind his back. It shows he's feeling nervous, wishing for some good luck, right? But the problem is that this story is set on a different world, with different customs, magic, and religions than our world has. So having him cross his fingers as a gesture here doesn't really fit in this world. Think about things like this when you're world building.
Now to put it all together:

The door chimed as Nathan walked in. His eyes were immediately drawn to the blazing light behind the counter. He squinted. His footsteps stuttered to a stop. The guy sitting in the blaze behind the counter looked up. His brilliant orange hair matched the flames that engulfed his body.
Nathan cleared his throat to stop himself from pointing out the obvious.
The man sat there, smiling, as flames licked at his hair, sending shadows whirling wildly in every direction. Nathan took a half-step back toward the door. His skin crawled, as if trying to creep away from the danger in front of him. Nathan ground his teeth. Elementals weren't dangerous, he knew that. But still, watching the man sit there, flickering like a campfire, his stomach clenched around the remains of his lunch.
"Are you going to come in, or just stand there all day staring?" The fire-elemental grinned as he caught Nathan's gaze. His eyes sparkled, reflecting his aura.
​"Uh, sure. I'm coming in," he stammered. He held his breath as he came inside, letting the door close behind him. Nathan's burned hand throbbed with remembered pain as he braced himself for the fiery heat of the repair shop's interior. One tentative step forward, and then another.
Nothing happened--no inferno slapping him in the face, no erupting into flames. His shoulders relaxed as he hurried the last few paces to the counter. Tiny flames danced along the elemental's arms without igniting the counter he leaned on. A small smile tugged up the corners of Nathan's lips. 
The elemental grinned. "So, what can I help you with today, Nathan?"
​He lifted the heating coil and placed it on the counter with a small thunk. "Can you fix this?" he asked. He massaged his right arm muscles as they cramped, thankful to set down the coil at last. The thought of carrying it all the way back home again made him want to groan. Maybe he'd see if the air-elemental running the transports would give him a ride after all.

Hopefully this workshop has been helpful! Remember, you can use showing techniques to sneak in your world building, making it more subtle and enjoyable for your readers! Let us know what you think in the comments.