Kate Foster Professional Editing Services
  • General Blog
  • What Authors Say About Us
  • #EditFoster Blog!
  • Talking Middle Grade
  • THE REJECTION CARE PACKAGE

Editing Tip of the Day: To and Too

25/8/2018

0 Comments

 
Picture
​Today is all about some commonly mixed-up words: too and to.

To is a word that's used with locations AND with indirect objects, as well as infinitives.
Location: I went to the store. I drove to the park. I flew to Miami. You turned to face me.
Indirect objects: I gave the book to you. He brought the vase to his mother. She looked to her mother for permission.
Infinitives: You want to read this blog.

Too means also, as well; it can also be used as a modifier that indicates excessive, exceeding.
Are you coming too? I know him too!
I ate too many cookies. He drove too fast.
Typically, people know the difference between to and too, but sometimes run into trouble on the spelling. So here's your tip:
Too has too many OOs, just like its meaning of excess, too many.

​And just in case you ever mix it up with the number 2 (two), just remember: most numbers are spelled in ways that don't make phonetic sense in modern English.
0 Comments

Editing Tip of the Day: All About the POV

22/8/2018

0 Comments

 
Picture
Today we're going to give you a quick run-down on the basic types of perspective you can use when writing a story.
Perspective in grammar refers to who's telling the story. You've probably heard people talking about 1st person and 3rd person, and occasionally even 2nd person. These are all kinds of perspective. Often you'll see it abbreviated as POV: point of view.

1st person: Is always centered on the 1st person in the room. It's your main character. If you're having a conversation with someone else, you use 1st person to refer to yourself. (Unless you're Elmo. Please don't be like Elmo.) 1st person pronouns: I, me, my; we and us, if you're using 1st person plural.
3rd person:
 Imagine you're having a conversation with a friend, but you're talking about someone else; a third person who's not in the conversation. This is the most common POV for novels, with 1st pretty close behind. 3rd person pronouns: he, she, him, her, they/them (nonbinary); also they and them as plural.
2nd person: Imagine you're having a conversation with another person. The person you're talking to is addressed with 2nd person, because they're the second person in the room, after you. Writing in 2nd person is extraordinarily difficult to pull off, because you're telling a story as if the reader is the main character. For an excellent example of how this can be done well, try N.K. Jemisin's Broken Earth trilogy. And even there, not all chapters are in 2nd person, because it's a multi-POV series. 2nd person pronouns: you, y'all, ye, thy... (There are too many regional and dialect-based variations to list them all here.)

To figure out which point of view you're using, ask yourself a simple question:
Who's telling this story?
(No, the answer isn't you, the author.)
On the page, who's telling the story? Whose perspective are we seeing everything through?
Is the main character talking for themselves? Then it's 1st person.
Is someone else (a narrator) speaking for the characters? Then it's 3rd person.


Is one perspective better than the others? Not really. Some people have preferences, but the thing that matters most is that you use your chosen perspective well, to let your reader engage with the characters. And you can always change your perspective during edits if you decide it isn't working. It takes a lot of effort, but it's possible. Just remember that whichever perspective you choose, you still have to get deep inside your main character's head to understand what's going on and create a compelling story.
0 Comments

Editing Tip of the Day: Tell and Show

15/8/2018

0 Comments

 
Picture
As we're wrapping up our summer workshop series on how to implement everyone's favorite writing advice (Show, don't tell), I thought it would be a good time for a companion tip:

DON'T tell, then show.

We see this in many manuscripts, and it's something I catch myself doing sometimes as well, especially in earlier drafts. That's what early drafts are for, though, so it's okay--as long as you catch it later and fix it!

Telling then showing can take on several different forms. One example is stating a character's emotional state and then showing it, like this:
She was sad. Tears poured down her face.
Do you see how stating it first minimized the emotional impact? Showing someone's feelings is almost always going to create more sympathy in the reader than straight up telling them about how the character feels. By stating it first, I lost that chance for the reader to connect with my character.

Tell then show can also look like telling the reader what's causing the character to react a certain way before showing the reaction. Like this:
Mary Sue looked so much like my long-lost sister, she and Jane could have been twins. She always made me think of Jane. Her hair shimmered like pollen-dusted sunflowers in the afternoon light, just like Jane's had. They both had a healthy dusting of freckles sprinkled across their cheekbones. And Mary Sue's nose crinkled up just like Jane's had when she smiled, with those two little wrinkles over the bridge like a pause symbol.
I paused. Maybe Mary Sue was Jane?

So in this case, I started with too big a hint at the conclusion the character was going to draw. You knew where that paragraph was going from the first sentence. And that kills any tension I might have been trying for. Just like in this next, shorter example:
A black cat ran across my path. I jumped back, startled.
See? You don't feel any anxiety on behalf of the startled character if you already know what's going on. In this case, the reader finds out before the character's (imaginary) brain has had a chance to process a sudden event. If I make even a simple switch here to:
I jumped back, startled, as a black cat ran across my path
the passage immediately has more tension. And tension is good.

Telling before showing is like telling someone the punchline to a joke first. It throws off the pacing, and loses the audience's interest. It's boring. So trust your reader to be smart enough to understand your "showing" prose. They usually are. And if you're worried they won't get it, that's what beta readers, critique partners, and editors are for--helping you find the perfect balance between telling and showing.
So remember:
Sometimes you need to show, and sometimes you need to tell, but you almost never need to do both.
0 Comments

SHOW DON'T TELL WORKSHOP 8!

13/8/2018

0 Comments

 
Picture
Hi! Bethany here, with a workshop on how to implement Show, Don't Tell in your world building scenes. This is tricky for a lot of writers, especially if you write any sort of speculative fiction, because you have a lot of information to get across to the reader. Finding a balance between boring info-dumps and leaving readers feeling clueless is hard, and looking at it through the lens of your characters is often key to finding that balance. Check out this scene to see what I mean. It's a pretend scene set in a world I'm writing about right now.

The door chimed as Nathan walked in. He tried not to stare at the guy behind the counter, but it was hard. (1)
He was on fire. (2)
Of course, he'd seen fire-elementals in passing before, but never face-to-face like this. Anyone would be unnerved, watching the way his hair burned and his eyes sparkled. (3)
"Are you going to come in, or just stand there all day staring?" he asked with a smile. (4)
"Uh, sure. I'm coming in," Nathan stammered. As he stepped closer, he expected to feel heat emanating from his glowing skin, but felt nothing. Surprised, he watched how the tiny flames traced down the man's arms without igniting the counter he leaned on. (5)
"What can I help you with, Nathan?"
He lifted the heating coil and placed it on the counter. It wasn't too heavy, but after carrying it around town for half an hour, his arms were tired. (6)
"Can you fix this?" he asked, crossing his fingers. (7)

So this is a chunk of fantasy with some world building worked in. It's not the worst info-dump, but it definitely could use some work. One thing to ask yourself when you're adding world building details and you want them to work smoothly is: Would this character actually notice this detail and make such a point of it? 
In this example, Nathan, the main character, is native to this fantasy world. That means he already knows that elementals exist, and he's at least somewhat familiar with what they can do. Depending on how common they are in this story, his shock in the first few lines might not be authentic. I'll let him get away with some surprise this time.
But (1) could still use some work. The narrator is telling the reader exactly what Nathan is doing and thinking here; the narrator is speaking FOR Nathan at this point, instead of letting him tell his own story. I could use internal reactions or physical actions to show Nathan's surprise instead: The door chimed as Nathan walked in. His eyes were immediately drawn to the blazing light behind the counter. He squinted. His footsteps stuttered to a stop. The guy sitting in the blaze behind the counter looked up. His brilliant orange hair matched the flames that engulfed his body. Nathan cleared his throat to stop himself from pointing out the obvious.
(2) Now if I've done my job right with point #1, I don't actually need the sentence, "He was on fire." That should be obvious. It's a fun sentence, short and punchy, but given the world building aspect, it probably should get cut. Nathan lives in a world with elemental magic. While seeing a fire elemental face-to-face for the first time might stun him a little, the fact that they exist should not. Chopping out that surprised reaction on Nathan's part actually adds to the world building, by showing that this magic is relatively common place.
(3)​ This is a pretty classic case of telling instead of showing. But sometimes, telling small details is better for pacing and more effective than showing everything. So I'm going to leave the first sentence in (
Of course, he'd seen fire-elementals in passing before, but never face-to-face like this.), and improve the second sentence. The man sat there, smiling, as flames licked at his hair, sending shadows whirling wildly in every direction. Nathan took a half-step back toward the door. His skin crawled, as if trying to creep away from the danger in front of him. Nathan ground his teeth. Elementals weren't dangerous, he knew that. But still, watching the man sit there, flickering like a campfire, his stomach clenched around the remains of his lunch.
(4)  doesn't need much work, other than the dialogue tag. It's not bad, but it can definitely be better. "Are you going to come in, or just stand there all day staring?" The fire-elemental grinned as he caught Nathan's gaze. His eyes sparkled, reflecting his aura.

(5)​ is full of telling. I'm going to replace the filter verbs (watched, felt, expected), and show the details and the emotions attached to them, instead of just telling them.
"Uh, sure. I'm coming in," he stammered. He held his breath as he came inside, letting the door close behind him. Nathan's burned hand throbbed with remembered pain as he braced himself for the fiery heat of the repair shop's interior. One tentative step forward, and then another.
Nothing happened--no inferno slapping him in the face, no erupting into flames. His shoulders relaxed as he hurried the last few paces to the counter. Tiny flames danced along the elemental's arms without igniting the counter he leaned on. A small smile tugged up the corners of Nathan's lips.
The elemental grinned. "So, what can I help you with today, Nathan?"
(Are you curious how the elemental knows his name? And did you notice that Nathan didn't ask how the elemental knew his name? That's another world building detail. There's something unique about Nathan's appearance that means everyone recognizes him. So in this case, if I'd had the elemental ask his name, that wouldn't have made sense with my world building so far. Again, a case of thinking about who knows what already.)
(6) This sentence is going to get another small upgrade. Instead of telling the reader about the weight, I'm going to use some sensory details to show it: He lifted the heating coil and placed it on the counter with a small thunk. He massaged his right arm muscles as they cramped, thankful to set down the coil at last. The thought of carrying it all the way back home again made him want to groan. Maybe he'd see if the air-elemental running the transports would give him a ride after all.
This showing version is doing triple duty. First, I've added sensory detail, using touch (cramping muscles) and sound (small thunk). The more sensory details, the more immersed a reader feels in the story, and that keeps them reading longer. Second, I've given a quick peek into Nathan's character. He's thinking about how hard it will be to carry this back home, and he wants to groan. He doesn't actually do it, though, because this character is very hard on himself. He doesn't want to complain or inconvenience others, which is also shown by his reluctance to get a ride. Third, the reader knows more about travel in this world. I've established that there are other types of elementals, and that air ones are in charge of transportation. But it's worked in naturally, at a point when my character would be thinking of it, so the world building should feel more organic.
(7) This one isn't a showing vs telling problem as much as it is a world building problem. In the original, I had Nathan cross his fingers behind his back. It shows he's feeling nervous, wishing for some good luck, right? But the problem is that this story is set on a different world, with different customs, magic, and religions than our world has. So having him cross his fingers as a gesture here doesn't really fit in this world. Think about things like this when you're world building.

Now to put it all together:

The door chimed as Nathan walked in. His eyes were immediately drawn to the blazing light behind the counter. He squinted. His footsteps stuttered to a stop. The guy sitting in the blaze behind the counter looked up. His brilliant orange hair matched the flames that engulfed his body.
Nathan cleared his throat to stop himself from pointing out the obvious.
The man sat there, smiling, as flames licked at his hair, sending shadows whirling wildly in every direction. Nathan took a half-step back toward the door. His skin crawled, as if trying to creep away from the danger in front of him. Nathan ground his teeth. Elementals weren't dangerous, he knew that. But still, watching the man sit there, flickering like a campfire, his stomach clenched around the remains of his lunch.
"Are you going to come in, or just stand there all day staring?" The fire-elemental grinned as he caught Nathan's gaze. His eyes sparkled, reflecting his aura.
​
"Uh, sure. I'm coming in," he stammered. He held his breath as he came inside, letting the door close behind him. Nathan's burned hand throbbed with remembered pain as he braced himself for the fiery heat of the repair shop's interior. One tentative step forward, and then another.
Nothing happened--no inferno slapping him in the face, no erupting into flames. His shoulders relaxed as he hurried the last few paces to the counter. Tiny flames danced along the elemental's arms without igniting the counter he leaned on. A small smile tugged up the corners of Nathan's lips. 
The elemental grinned. "So, what can I help you with today, Nathan?"
​
He lifted the heating coil and placed it on the counter with a small thunk. "Can you fix this?" he asked. He massaged his right arm muscles as they cramped, thankful to set down the coil at last. The thought of carrying it all the way back home again made him want to groan. Maybe he'd see if the air-elemental running the transports would give him a ride after all.

Hopefully this workshop has been helpful! Remember, you can use showing techniques to sneak in your world building, making it more subtle and enjoyable for your readers! Let us know what you think in the comments.
0 Comments

SHOW DON'T TELL WORKSHOP 7!

6/8/2018

0 Comments

 
Picture
It's time for our penultimate Show Don't Tell Workshop, and Kate is back with us today to take a look at blending in backstory. 

"Another double vodka, Mel?" 
I smiled, knowing exactly why he wanted to get me another drink. Idiot. 
Last year, at the office Christmas party, I got drunk - blotto drunk. That's when I was going through my rock-bottom period, what with Mum being ill, Dad being AWOL, and my eldest son overseas, and the party - and its open bar - allowed me the opportunity to forget everything and have some f**ing fun.  
I've never been able to handle my booze and that night at the party had been no exception. I'd started on the welcome glass of champagne, but people just kept topping up my glass - something of which I was later informed by Becky. I'd made such a prat of myself: I tried it on with at least four of my colleagues, nearly knocked myself out pole-dancing, vomited down my WHITE dress, and passed out in the middle of the dancefloor - and that's the short version. I'd been the laughing stock for months afterwards, but also the best entertainment the entire office could have asked for. 

I internally sighed and shook my head. "No thanks, Tim. I'm good." 



Now let's analyse this... ​​​

In truth, there's not much wrong with the actual writing in this example. It's got voice, humorous detail, and really gives us a fair amount of info about the main character. If this is the kind of style your book takes, with the character often diverting from the action to fill the reader in on past moments through lengthy internal monologues that have great humor and relevance, then I would say leave as is. It works just fine. In fact, lots of you might just prefer it to the revised version below! 

But, we can look at ways in which all this backstory could be blended in more subtly, so not compromising on reader immersion. A few of the details could be removed and perhaps blended in at a later date, or earlier depending on where in the novel this scene takes place, and others could be hinted at whilst we see the character in more detail and adding in some sensory extras. 

There's no one way to do it when it comes to reducing backstory and information dumping. My advice to clients is, as they revise, to always highlight dialogue, action, and scene setting, and where you haven't highlighted much at all you are likely to find interior monologues and back story that might just benefit from being broken up. 


Here's an example of how this could be written, with the backstory in red and weaved in to the action.
​

​
"Another double vodka, Mel?"
I smiled, leaning my elbows on the beer-soaked bar and knowing exactly why he wanted to get me another drink. Idiot. 
With the forced grin fixed firmly on my face, I fought back the images of my vomit-soaked WHITE dress, the pole-dancing induced lump on my forehead, and the blurred sea of legs circling me as I collapsed on the dancefloor, and met Tim's eyes, the tinsel dangling from his Santa hat like massive glittering eyebrows. 
The droning, new-fangled dance beat pounded through my head, reminding me of how old I was, and how another Christmas party like that disaster last year was not going to be repeated. I was no longer at rock bottom after all. 
And, there was no doubt he was still fuming about why he hadn't been one of the four I'd tried it on with. Jealous idiot. 
Becky snickered behind me, and my smile grew even wider. I internally sighed and shook my head. "Thanks, Tim, but I'll buy my own drinks this year." 
​

​
So, what you have here is a lot of the same information, the odd detail left out that might not be essential right now, but perhaps a few more visuals, more setting thrown in among the back story, which itself is passed on to the reader more as momentary memories as opposed to a longer recount of the event. The voice is still there but the subtlety is magnified, and still the same information can easily be gleaned about what went down at that Christmas party. 
​
Was that helpful? Let us know in the comments!
0 Comments

Editing Tip of the Day: Passive Voice

1/8/2018

0 Comments

 
Picture
It's time to talk about passive voice! But what is passive voice, exactly?
In English, we have two "voices" for our verbs: Active and Passive. Don't get too hung up on the terminology though, because it isn't as complicated as it sounds.

Active voice is when the subject of the sentence is doing the action. Like this:
I (the subject) ate (the action) the cookies (the object of the verb).
They (subject) were (action) delicious.
(Why yes, I'm craving sugar right now, how could you tell?)

Passive voice is when the subject is being passive like a doormat--they're being acted upon by someone else. Like this:
The cookies (subject) were baked (action) by me (the person really doing the action).
In this case, the cookies didn't have to do any work; they just sit around and wait, passively, for me to bake them.
Passive voice will usually have a subject later in the sentence that's doing the action.

So why is this bad when writing? Well, for starters, instead of saying "The cookies were baked by me" I could use half as many words and make it active: "I baked cookies." And because the sentence is shorter and to the point, it's also more straightforward to read.
Another benefit of Active voice is that it puts the focus of the sentence on what's usually important: the actors and their actions. It allows you to pick stronger verbs.

Think about that passive example again. Can you see how "The cookies were baked by me" is probably putting the emphasis on the wrong part of the sentence? Even if someone had asked who made the cookies, it would still be simpler to reply "I did," or "I baked them." Because my action is what is interesting about the situation.

Now, do you have to eliminate every single instance of passive voice? Probably not. There are rare situations where passive voice works better, particularly if you want to emphasize that the subject of the sentence was passive in whatever happened. But you should look for any instances of passive voice and examine them carefully to see if active voice is stronger.

There's a quick tip someone came up with on how to identify passive voice. Multiple sources cite Rebecca Johnson, a professor of culture and ethics at USMC, as the genius behind this tip.
If you can add "by zombies" to the end of your sentence and it works, you're using passive voice.

Like this: I ate the cookies by zombies. (Doesn't make sense, so not passive.)
​Or: The cookies were delicious by zombies. (Also not passive.)
But: The cookies were baked by zombies IS passive. Since there was already a "by so-and-so" clause in there, you replace that one with "by zombies."

And I don't know about you, but I don't want to eat any cookies that might have been made by zombies. That seems sketchy to me. So go edit those pesky zombies out of your manuscripts, along with instances of the passive voice!
0 Comments

    Blog Schedule

    Every Wednesday and Saturday we bring you an edit tip of the day. Be sure to check out the archives for our popular summer series of SHOW DON'T TELL workshops! 

    Archives

    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    June 2016

    Categories

    All
    Characterization Tips
    Common Mistakes
    Critiques
    Dialogue Tips
    Editing Tips
    Query Tips
    Show Vs Tell
    Structure
    Writer's Block

    RSS Feed

Proudly powered by Weebly
  • General Blog
  • What Authors Say About Us
  • #EditFoster Blog!
  • Talking Middle Grade
  • THE REJECTION CARE PACKAGE